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A little Gangstarr classic for this workin’ hump day. When you boss goes to lunch, I recommend you do this: go into his office, pull up my website on his computer, click the play button below, and blast this song from his speakers. That chick in the cubicle next to you will then proceed to ask you if “you’d like to slide off”.

Answer “yes”. Then, pump cheeks.

Artist: Gangstarr Song: “Work”

Off the album: “The Moment of Truth” (1998)

word up Big Al

Jeffrey Ross stops by this local morning show to do a Roast of the hosts. As always, Ross is fucking hysterical — and the news team…well, let’s just say it starts off uncomfortable, then gets really uncomfortable when he starts picking them apart one by one.

So much fake laughter. It’s like a Dane Cook show. But the best part is the end. Listen closely after that graphic goes up and they’re still on the air…

“You forgot about the fact that she’s a whore”. laughing my ass off. seriously. where did it go?

nice pick ‘Tay

Yoyo, PiMP stars. Thought I’d give you a little update-er-ooski. After 15 glorious weeks of caption contests, we’re gonna take a one week breather here as I prep my new site for launch. Just a quick little

Next week, we’re gonna kick this shit back into full force. Like, Live Free or Time Whore type force. And we’ll even have that awesome polling shit so the fans can pick the caption contest winners every week. Hellz yeah. So stay tuned, and we’ll be rocking your socks off in no time.

A fire in a NYC dorm building was ruled an accident, after police conducted a tedious review of thousands of digital photos that documented every second of the five hour party.

Hot damn, Onion News, you make me giggle.

For those of you who don’t know who Gordon Ramsay is, god bless you. He’s the pompous, British, son-of-a-bitch that runs the reality show Hell’s Kitchen. Sure, his work in the kitchen is supposed to be Grade A, and I respect that fact that he treats his reality show contestants like a steaming shit sandwich — but god, he’s an asshole.

You kiss your mother with that mother, Gordon?

click

I dated a British chick that loved this guy. When I asked her what the hell she saw in his, she always would reply “‘ALLO LOVE!”

For Dan and Sara Bell, their daily consumption of cheese-flavored unsaturated fat just got a kicked up several notches. And it’s not just because they bought the “Flamin’ Hot” flavor. Halfway through their 99 cent bag of Cheetos, Sara found a snack…shaped like Jesus. The two described the experience as an eye-opening, saying “I always pictured Jesus as more of a sweets guy. This is simply…fucking amazing.”

After discovering this prized religious omen, the couple did what any normal god-loving pair would do. They tried to sell it on eBay….

After watching that video, I think what’s more impressive is that this ISN’T the first Cheeto-Jesus sighting. There apparently have been many, all of which are documented on the web. So then my next logical question is: why is this on the news?

Oh Cheetus, you work in mysterious ways.

This one just felt right today. I’m eating bagels, I’m eatin pizza, I’m eatin chitlins…so why not. Catch a dinosaur with me…

Artist: Bob Dylan Song: “I Shall Be Free”

Off the album: “The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan” (1963)

word up Big Al

I’m not sure how I haven’t seen this video before; it’s been around forever and it’s hilarious. The guy speaking must be on some kind of epic trip, because the shit he’s talking about makes no sense. It’s like a stream of mushroom consciousness/where I want to be right now instead of work.

This fucking guy over here. I’m in love with Seahorses.

Man, that’s the best Sobe commercial I’ve ever seen…

props to Joey Drinkpants for the submission

This is a leaked photo from the upcoming summer blockbuster Fast and Furious 5: No Turn Signal

Other titles I was playing around with:
Fast and Furious 5: Twinkie Drift
Fast and Furious: Too Fast, Failed Driving Test
Fast and Furious V: Asians With LA Looks
Fast and Furious 5: Shitty Cars, Shitty Clothes
Big Trouble in Little Penis