So I was fortunate enough to be graced by a Homecoming visit, ol’ Crookfield style, with a trip from 3 best friends from growing up. These were JerBear, The Duke, and the notorious Mikey No Face.

Now, many of you may already be familiar with the Duke from the negative cloud of energy known as “Adam Weekends”—you know, where every trip you take with him becomes innately shitty? And my friend JerBear is also worth noting. He takes the role of the baby in the group — the napper, the puker, the peanut-butter-and-jelly-er — although I will say he put forth a valiant effort to do none of those things during the trip (besides nap).

But before I go on to tell stories and glories of this trip, I must prep you. For there is a man so meaty, so powerful, so filled with awesomeness—that his reputation truly proceeds him. This, of course, is Mikey No Face. “OK,” you’re skeptically saying, “So you’re friend is a meathead. So what?”

Now, come a bit closer…so I can slap you. You’re a jerk. Yes, Mikey No Face does have the full-on mentality of a meathead—complete with catchphrases such as “Get your weight up” and “Don’t be a fag”—but he also is deeply hilarious, and has a big heart. In other words, he’s a solid friend, a good guy, and more importantly, not a played-out douche (like every other meathead I know).
To fully understand the origin and mythical nature of the No Face, I invite you to gather round as I tell the story of how Mikey got his name, and exactly what it is.

So when we all went off to college, I went to Syracuse, JerBear and the Duke went to VirginiaTech, and Mikey went to UConn. There, he quickly joined the rugby team. I was in a Fraternity, so I’m no stranger to hazing, but this group of rugby meatheads took the whole notion of “new guy initiation” to a new level. Just so you know their undying commitment to the process, I went to visit him when he was a Junior, and the flame was still burning. We were at the rugby house, had been drinking all night, and Mikey had passed out like an amateur. And I swear to god, we had to literally pick Mikey up and carry him out—Seniors chasing us—because they had gotten out the clippers to shave his entire head, eyebrows, and face. These are the kind of friends we are talking about here.

Back to freshman year. So little Mikey was on the rugby team and there were several bartenders on the team that were Seniors. So what they would do is take Mikey out to the bar, mix up a concoction of the nastiest hard liquors they could find, and line up about 5 shot glasses. Right in a row.
The point of this whole process was to “show no weakness”—which is apparently the meathead mantra. So there’s five shots of the nastiest liquor imaginable, and he is supposed to take every shot and literally make no face. Show no emotion. Don’t let the awful taste of the liquor show even the slightest reaction on your face.

Or you get punched in the stomach.

Literally. If you showed “weakness”, they would punch you right in the gut. Right in the babymaker. Now, I’m not condoling such ridiculous behavior. but…isn’t it funny? I mean, it’s utterly hilarious and stupid that these meaty bastards would follow this philosophy. And that anyone would buy into it. Let alone pass this “tradition” on to your young players. But hey, I guess if your going to mash up against 300 pound gorillas in a rugby game with literally no pads on, this kind of strength training might be beneficial in some primal way.

Man Up

Now, here’s where Mikey No Face myth and our group of friends join paths. So when Mikey came home from college freshman year, he had bulked up quite a bit (while his brain bulked down with bong resin and malt hops). And he came up to me at a party with a handle of vodka, smile on his face, and simply said “no face?”

At the time, I of course had no freakin idea what he was talking about or the importance it would have on my life. But I did swig. And I made a poor-ass attempt at keeping a straight face. (I admit, I’m the worst person ever with hard liquor). And it was the first of many. In fact, it’s not really possible to take a shot with Mikey without demanding that he no face it. It just comes with the territory.

>> Watch the No Face in action

And over the years, Mike simply became Mikey No Face, and the act of “no facing” shots became commonplace within our group of friends. No punches to the stomach. It’s just a battle between friends to see who can take a swig and make the straightest face.

And Mikey No Face always wins.