There’s one thing worse than a sexual predator, and that’s a sexual predator that’s been sexual-predatorized by Big Foot. Yes, in a time when even rumors of Sasquatch’s existence seem suspect, one man claims to not only have seen him, but to have been aggressively violated by him.

You think this guy would have snapped a picture of him or something. Maybe not taken a shower so that the Police could have had some Bigfoot DNA?! Come on, Dude. That was your big chance.

But it turns out, he’s just a sexual predator himself. Didn’t see that coming.

Come on, Judge. No leniency? Oh yeah, Big Foot isn’t real. OK, I guess 20 years will do.