This is a clip from a special “Can’t Tie My Shoes” edition of Wheel Of Fortune. One contestant really shines, and proves to the world that everyone’s a winner…even if your a loser.

I mean, he ADDS letters to the “Air Jordan” puzzle when he solves it. That doesn’t even make sense.

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Another reason why dogs are better than cats. They don’t rape children.

Video submitted by ‘Tay

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In honor of the Steven Seagal movie I watched last night, “Hard To Kill”, where he plays a crippled man that can’t act, here’s one of the worst non-Seagal fight scenes I’ve ever seen.

It stars an unlikely duo of Black half-man, and an Asian Lady. And together, they’re comical.

Fun Fact: I read on IMDB that the Asian Lady met her co-star when she rear-ended him while driving. This is also sadly how he lost his legs.

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In honor of China censoring “the internet” during the Olympics (who knew you could even do that?!), here’s PAXtv bringing us The Sopranos, censored for TV.

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This band is a personal favorite. These Sublime-esque rockers from Hawaii first came on my radar in with their album “Kona Town” (’02). Their 2006 album “No Shame” was also freakin awesome.

And in honor of their latest release “Pink Crustaceans And Good Vibrations” (’08), here’s an old classic.

Pepper - “Give It Up”

Sidenote: The album version of the song is much better.

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My friend Skip had an extra ticket for this Bloc Party concert tonight and put this ad on Craiglist. It’s f**king hilarious.

BLOC PARTY - FREE TICKET! - $1

He received 4 replies.

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My friend Beerman sent me this pic that we took on our Spring Break in Australia. And yes, SARS is as delicious as it sounds.

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This song explains itself. West-syyyeeeedddd!

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For all you South Park fans out there, the geniuses at SPS just released the uncensored Director’s Cut of “Imaginationland” on their website. It’s totally free to watch, and a bit rawer and longer than the episodes you saw on TV.

So if you’re looking to kill some time, your day just got a lot sweeter…

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For those of you that don’t live in Los Angeles, you should know that the nightlife here shuts down at 1:30 AM sharp. Picture New York City. Then subtract good food, places open past midnight, public tranportation, and people staying out drinking and partying all night. Don’t get me wrong, I love this place — but it’s not a night-time city.

I recently went to this Santa Monica “Glow” festival which was on Santa Monica Pier. Now what’s interesting about this festival was that it went all night — literally from 10 PM - 7AM. The point was to have these nighttime art displays, where “new age” artists had displays that blended art with the beach. This basically meant there were a lot of bright neon lights, house music, and glowy things.

And of course, this meant one thing: Hippies.

Hey, I’m cool with it. I get it, they’re attracted to bright lights and shiney objects. And believe me — there’s nothing like the smell of ocean air, hot dogs, and the everpresent waffing of marijuana smoke to reel in a vagrant.

Funny sidenote: While relaxing on the beach, there was this one particularly rotund hippie that was hoola-hooping with a neon-lit-up Hoola-Hoop. I wasn’t quite sure whether it was a man, woman, or a manbearpig. “She” was kind of just like a tree trunk, no gender defining characterisitics. And she was definately tripping on something serious.

Now, she must have hoola-hooped for thirty minutes straight, right in front of us. Eyes transfixed ahead, probably staring at an imaginary penguin. After about 45 minutes, my friend ‘Tay turns to me and says, “How in the hell can this girl be so heavy if she hoola hoops like this?”

The answer was simple. And I told him, “The Hoola hoop’s made of licorice. And she eats it when she’s done.”

But wittiness aside, we met up with this nice Spanish Woman (see “Summer Thoughts“). Well, actually to be more acurate, I should say we tried for 3 hours to meet up with her, and at about 2am, finally found her — along with her Cousin, and her friend. Now, I’ll tell you upfront: Her Cousin was belligerently drunk, and annoying.

So, at this point, Cousin takes over the show. She’s zig-zagging all over the place like a drunk dog sniffing out Snausages. She eventually leads us back down to the beach. Here’s where it gets good. I mentioned earlier the massive amounts of hippies and stoners lounging on the beach next to the pier.

Cousin smells a wiff of marijuana, and her ears perk up. She starts going from tent to tent, “Ohh, jeewss got mota?” And then she proceeds to suck face with random hippies — it’s technical proceedure: she sucks the weed smoke out of their mouth. After about 4 guys, I was like, “What’s wrong with you?”

She proceeded to tell me that she never smoked pot directly. No! That gets her too messed up. She needed to get “second-hand smoke”. And what better way than through random hippie mouths?

So she literally stumbled along the beach, hippie-mouth to hippie-mouth. She sucked face like a lesbian at a Rosie O’Donnell Convention. After following her around for about an hour, and nearly vomiting by the 14th guy she face-sucked, we called it quits and headed back home.

And I think this night taught me a good lesson. This is why bars close at 130am.

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If a Mr. Gay passanger is traveling at 585 miles per hour towards Chicago, and a second Gay traveler is traveling on that same flight at 435 miles per hour — what the f*ck is going on?

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This may be the best track off of Weezer’s new Red Album. Word is, Rivers wrote the song about his old Personal Assistant that he used to treat like shit, but apparently, was secretly in love with. Listen to the lyrics, it’s pretty interesting.

Weezer - “Miss Sweeney”

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