A friend of mine named Mr. Pheeny tipped me off to this absurd article about missing Chimp.

Apparently, a 42-year-old chimp named Moe has disappeared from his animal shelter in West Covina. His owners, St. James Davis and LaDonna Davis, have been frantically looking for him since he escaped two days ago. You can tell from the picture to the right that these people are a bit unstable.

Now, the more you read this article, the more you say to yourself “why the f*ck are they trying to FIND this monster”. First of all, this chimp has attacked a ton of people, including both of the Davis’. In fact, the reason it was in an animal shelter is because the San Bernadino Police ousted him after repeated biting incidents.

But what’s truly amazing about this article is the little throw-away lines they stick in, and never talk about.

LaDonna Davis, who lost a thumb during the 2005 chimp attack, became emotional as she described Moe.

He bit off her thumb?! And she’s still wants this blood-thirsty monster to be saved? But that’s nothing compared to this sentence about James Davis:

The 65-year-old former NASCAR driver lost all of his fingers, an eye, his nose, parts of his cheek and lips, and pieces of his torso to attacking chimpanzees in 2005. The animals pounced after apparently becoming jealous that Davis was preparing to present a birthday cake to Moe at their refuge.

Umm…pieces of his torso?! This is like something out of Congo.

I mean, the dude is in a wheelchair because of this chimp. Talk about Stockholm Syndrome. Now go back up and look at the picture above. See if you can find the Guy behind the crazy, crying bitch. You know, the guy with no nose?

Maybe, instead of mobilizing tons of innocent people, police, and hikers to try and find this horror-show of a pet, you should just let it stay free. God forbid, someone finds it and it bites their face off.

There’s so much wrong with this article, there’s no way to write about all of it. But I implore you to read it here. God, some people are so freaking stupid.