Another reason not to drink beer before you race…

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While Wall Street melts down and everyone in our country shouts “Holy Guacamole!“, there is one thing on my old noodle this week. And it doesn’t have to do with money, or guacamole.

I wrote a while ago about the game of Deep Cuts that I play with old friends — you know, the one where you try to be the first to remember an old acquaintance that has been washed over by the sea of time. Bring up a name that really cuts deep, and you get DC points. The deeper the cut, the more points your awarded.

It’s a game we’ve played for about 4 years now, but this past weekend…something changed. A gap was bridged that created a whole new element in the game of Deep Cuts. Listen to this first hand testimonial:

It was about midnight on Friday night and we are all pretty sloshed; several tequilla shots, and a forty got our blood flowing a little bit. We are all dancing at the bar…really enjoying ourselves. I look over at NoFace and he tells me that he has to step outside to meet someone real fast. I continue to backstep all over the dance floor and possibily even throw a Berman Backhand into the mix for some added effect.

As I turn back to the door, I see Mike walk in with a girl that looks pretty familiar. She is dressed like a hoe, has reddish blondish hair, and is dancing all floozy-ish. I rub my blood shot eyes to see who exactly I am looking at. A wave comes over me and I have a flashback of a certain red-headed, color-guarding individual on my bus named John Christy. I force myself to blink several times because I didn’t want to believe that a Christy was entering the bar with Noface. As I continue to blink, I shake my head in disbelief and realize that Mike has just met MELODY CHRISTY at the bar — MELODY CHRISTY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, now that is a Deep Mother of Cuts.

Fearless. Bold. No Face. He not only got a deep cut, but he brought her back into our reality. He bridged the gap between cut and 2008 — a process never before attempted. And in it’s wake, a new element known now as “Deep Stitches” enters the game. And it scores you double points.

To make a deep cut is one thing, but to sow that cut back together is another thing entirely. Not to mention, the triple threat of Deep Cut Coitus. Could it happen? Epic.

Either way, I say No Face just shirt-grabbed our whole freakin’ system. Looks like I need to hop on Facebook and start making some Deep Cut Dates. Middle school friends, watch out. I’m about to get BangCut Dangerous on your asses!

Contributions by The Berman Backhand
& the Deep Cuts Club of Crookfield (DCx3)

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Don’t mislead by the title. Neither one of these people is a gentleman.

They’re both just moronic contestants on some reality show. I think it’s called Flavor of Shitty Rappers. And I’m guessing that one of them doesn’t like the other.

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You want my personal opinion? John McCain is an old, confused Ard-tard. This clip is so ridiculous, it’s almost funny. Almost.

Here’s his take on healthcare. He doesn’t trust government to run it. But who he does trust to run it — WalMart. Like that’s gonna work out for everybody.

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I found this sweet-ass website for the famous music venue Paradisio in Amsterdam. They have a huge archive, in great quality, of all the bands that have played there since like 2002. And you can watch the whole show, or each song individually.

Never seen concert website this sweet. Since I have a huge man-crush on Cold War Kids, I’ve attached their latest show…

The site is called FabChannel.com and I highly recommend you take a gander — the interface on the site is much cool than the one embedded above. Now, granted, it’s a European venue…so you may not know a lot of the artists (ie - The Crumpets, The Bad Teeth Brigade, The Smelly Frogs). It’s worth a look anyway.

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Everyone dreams of being a pro athlete — playing in that big game. Just like Rudy. I want to be Rudy. Can I?!!

Unfortunately, the answer is “no”. The secret, according to this guy, is one thing: instinct.

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Tina Fey lit up last night’s Saturday Night Live with her dead-on Sarah Palin impersonation. In this sketch, she’s being interviewed by Katie Couric, and what can you say…she’s just so darn adorable!

I have to say, I watched a full SNL last night for the first time in about 5 years…and I was shocked. It’s still sucks. But their few political sketches were pretty funny. If I’m not mistaken, they’re doing primetime SNL Political Specials on NBC for a few weeks.

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This is an old music video from musical phenom Jan Terri. It reminds you of the days when VHS was cool and you didn’t need a thing called “Talent” to make it.

Now, before you say this car-crash of a song is trash, keep in mind that that this chick actually released TWO real albums and briefly performed with — of all people — Marilyn Manson. Without further ado, I give you…

Jan Terri - “Losing You”

At 2:20, it looks like she’s singing in fron of a sewage sespool. Amazing. You should really check out her wiki page.

Video submitted by Bmac

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Let’s here it for something good coming out of Syracuse! This 5-piece band, which formed very recently (2006) at my alma matter Syracuse University (holla!), has been rapidly dominating the indie rock scene. Rolling Stone says they’re the best new band of the year.

I just got their new album, the Rhumb Line, and am anxious to give it a listen. Here’s the first single…

Ra Ra Riot - Dying Is Fine

My guess is this won’t be the best thing off their album. Pick up their album if you’re looking for something new and fresh.*

(*also new this week: Cold War Kids (new video too!), Kings of Leon both dropped albums)

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…Anything you say or do can be used against you in a court of law.

And apparently, that includes farting. A man in West Virginia was arrested for drunk driving, and after failing a bunch of sobriety tests, decided to really make his arrest count.

When police were trying to get fingerprints, police say Cruz moved closer to the officer and passed gas on him. The investigating officer remarked in the criminal complaint that the odor was very strong.

Cruz is now charged with battery on a police officer, as well as DUI and obstruction.

After sharding on the Officer, he then said “Guess what I had for lunch.” The Officer guess correctly: Spam and eggs; and then swiftly took the man to jail. The “battery” charges were later dropped.

>> WATCH THE NEWS REPORT & Read the full article.

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Leave it Hollywood to sensationalize everything. First it was World Trade Center about 9/11, then Maid in Manhattan about J-Lo’s current occupation, and coming soon is Oliver Stone’s W about the worst President ever.

And the creme de la creme…a new Disney movie based on the Sarah Palin story:

Kudos to Danny G

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I’m not sure if you’ve been watching JJ Abrams’ new X-Files-meets-Twilight-Zone show Fringe, but it’s pretty sweet. I mean, it’s no Lost, but it’s not bad.

Anyway, I just uncovered this tasty tidbit. The lead actress in the show is actually modeled after one of JJ’s all time favorite characters:

That’s Janice Muppet, for those of you not in the know. And I hear she’s suing for likeness.

And I don’t blame her. With Kanye West signing a deal to develop a “Hip Hop meets Muppets” TV show for Comedy Central (I’m serious), it seems as if puppets are finally getting their come-uppance.

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