It seemed like only yesterday I was ushering the smooth summer breeze, breathing in deep the freedom of the 4th of July and enjoying the long days of summer. And I blinked my eyes, and now it’s over. What the hell, man?! What did you do?

It went by too quick. Luckily for me, I live where the seasons don’t change. So I’ll still be gettin plenty of sunshine, but the there will be less bikinis, less barbeques, and markedly less sunlight. Alas…

But it’s not a total loss. This summer was a pretty good one. And this past Labor Day weekend ended the summer on a good note. A bit of beach, a good amount of drunk, and a few funny stories. I’ll share two of them with you.

The Yagerbomb.

I went down to visit a friend in Newport Beach, which for the record, is way far south in Orange County. It’s about 50 miles from where I live, but a friend just moved down there, right next to the beach, so me and my buddy Skip went down there.

We started the night off with some nice drinking. Delicious Coronas with limes. This girl had a few of her friends visiting from Staten Island (the forgotten burrow of NYC), one of whom tried to convince me she had a pet goat. Then I told her “I have nipples. Can you can milk me?”

She did. And it was awkward.

So we all headed out to the bar by her house. I randomly ran into the Producer of that sketch “Porn PA” I did almost two years ago on the way to the bar. i literally haven’t seen this guy since that shoot day. He was about fourty pounds lighter, and mentioned something about rehab, so I didn’t prod too far. Good guy though.

I digress. We’re at the bar. It’s a rip roaring good time and I’m feeling the effects of those Coronas. Niiice. This huge party of dudes rolls into the bar all dressed up — suit, tie, a few corsets. It’s a wedding party, post-wedding, and they’re there to celebrate.

One of them walks up to the bartender and says, “Steve. 12 Yagerbombs, man!”. And so the Bartender starts pouring an rediculously large number of Yagerbombs. The crowd moves in, everyone grabbing one. And so do I. I sneak my hand underneath the group of hands, shout out a fake “Yeeeaahhh cheers!!”. I shoot it down, and immediately turn back around to my group of friends, like nothing happened

It was perhaps the smoothest shot-steal in the history of man. Certainly my finest. It may be one of those “you had to be there to get it” stories — you know, to see a group of 12 guys in tuxedos toasting and one dude in flip-flops and a stained white tshirt trying to pretend he belongs.

Anyway, I was lucky enough to hear one of those guys say later, “God damnit. I just spent $150 on Yagerbombs” Yes you did. Sowwwwy.

That was the highlight of the evening. That and the bartender at the next bar who had rediculously mondo fake tats (think bowling balls on a stick). She gave me and Skip a free shot with a weird name — like “hairy vagina” or “scrotum face” or something.

The Neckbrace.
So the weekend was INFX, if you will. This I believe was Friday night. A group of us went out to this dive bar in East LA (I rarely ever go to that side of town), and it’s Hipster Nation. Bowling hats, tight jeans, fedoras, thick-rimmed glasses. Everyone there was a Hipster, and they were giving ME dirty looks for wearing a plain blue t-shirt.

Isn’t that the opposite of being a Hipster? The creedo of hipsters is being so cool that you don’t care what you look like. But they did. And they still looked stupid.

So we’re at the bar, and my friend Skip looks behind me and says, “Wow. That chick with the neckbrace over there is really going nuts.”

And I turn to see this chick wearing a neckbrace — a full, white dont-fuck-your-neck-up brace — and she’s dancing like crazy. I mean, side-stepping, twirling, the full salsa dancing. With a stiff neckbrace. I start to laugh, but then I look at her closer…

It can’t be. I say to Skip, “I think that’s the girl from my improv class like 6 months ago. With like three classes left, our instructor came in and told us she fell off a cliff in Malibu.” It was shocking at the time. She had gotten hurt pretty badly. But this was more shocking. And I’m thinking, it can’t be.

But I go up to her, and sure as shit, it’s her. Dancing her ass off in a neckbrace. We chatted for a while, and I was happy to see that she was doing alright. In fact, she was there with another girl from my improv class too. This Asian girl named Angel (which I assume can’t be her real name, right? Unless her father was Shaggy).

Again, maybe it’s one of those things you had to be there for. Seeing a girl goin nuts, dancing like crazy with a neckbrace, in a Hipster joint, then realizing you know her…It’s a small world, man.

What a weekend of interesting events and run-ins.

And now I’m thinking, “Hey, maybe this Fall thing won’t be so bad after all”. So if you see a large group of people taking Yagerbombs or a girl dancing with a neckbrace, get in on that shit. You’re gonna have a good time.