It’s not easy being the USA right now. We got Wall Street crashing, a Middle East crisis, political parties bashing each other, and natural disasters wrecking shit. But thank god for the always-irreverent Yahoo! News to guide us through these hard times.

Ohh, she’s very happy! As long as Jennifer Hudson and “Punk” are happy, then so am I. In fact, I forgot what I was even talking about. I’m just so happy that they’re happy!

But seriously, who the fuck are they? Yahoo sucking aside, it’s hard to find much in the news these days to really perk you up. But there are a few things I’ve uncovered that should put a smile on your face.

1. South Park just won an Emmy for their Imaginationland Trilogy. They beat out the this-is-starting-to-get-old antics of “Family Guy” for their 3rd glorious Emmy. I’ve attached a clip from Imaginationland pt. II…

Or even better –> Click here to watch the FULL “Imaginationland” Trilogy for free!

2. “Bangkok Irrelevant”. Every weekend, our brains are bombarded by a fresh batch of Hollywood excrement. Whether it’s “Epic Movie IV”, Dane Cook in “Unwatchable Romantic Comedy”, or Eddie Murphy’s latest animated movie “Prosty: The Snowman Prostitute”, there’s enough mindless movie garbage out there to make you sick.

Yes, I work out here. But that means I see even more of it. More advertising, more billboards, more promotion of shit films. And honestly, I don’t understand it. To my full knowledge, they have taken a bunch of monkeys from LA Zoo, dressed them up in business suits, and given them keys to the movie studios.

Which is why it’s so glorious when an awful movie like “Bangkok Dangerous” tanks. The movie cost upwards of $50 million (plus advertising), and made $7 on it’s opening weekend. Call it Hiroshima because that shit bombed.

You would hope that the movie studios would learn their lesson. Maybe even pass on a movie where the dialogue is as follows:

“Hi. My name’s Joe. I kill people.”

Wow, Nicholas Cage. That’s rivieting stuff, man. Really. Cutting edge. Never seen that before. So you hope that the studios learn, but I assure you, they absolutely will not. Be prepared for “Kung Pow Dangerous”, the sequel, which is ironically about a bad dish at a chinese restaurant.

3. “Change”
It seems that regardless of who you vote for, the message is now “change”. It’s been Barack Obama’ s pedestal for the past year, but after realizing that people actually support it, the Republicans pulled their age-old move: Lie and Deny.

They stole the “change” mantra, applied it to their own campaign, and then denied 100% of reposibility for the faults of the Republicans. It’s like they’re not even part of the party!

But at least we have the internet now to call out these political douchebags. The Real John McCain is here!

4. “Time Whore”…to the Next Level! Don’t ask me how, but I’ve secured a small amount of funding from Fox Animation to make three new Time Whore shorts. It’s a great first step for PMPcomedy, and a huge VD increase for Time Whore…so lets strap on a rubber and give each other a pat on the back. She’s got a long way to go, but let’s just say…she’s got the stamina.

I’ll keep you informed when the shorts are available online (it’ll be a few months).

Until then, don’t let Wall Street stress you out, don’t vote for John McCain, and don’t see any Nicolas Cage movies. You do that, you’ll be as happy as a pig in shit. Or as Hollywood would put it, you’ll be….Barnyard Dangerous.