Oh man, so only one more week of this election bullshit to go. And thank god. I feel like every day I turn on the TV, I see something even more ridiculous than yesterday. First it was “Joe the Plumber”, then some fatty being “attacked” because she supported McCain. And now, McCain zombies?

Jesus. It will all be over soon. But before it’s history, let me just write down a few thoughts while there fresh in my mind.

1. “Joe the Plumber” What is this Joe the Plumber crap? Talk about a perfect example of how stupid our country is. “Hey, I have a toilet. This makes sense!”

Really? Is that what the United States has come down to? Not gas, not foreign policy. But a freakin’ Plumber?!

And I feel bad for the guy. All he did was ask John McCain a question, and had his life totally, and unappologetically shit all over. Now, he’s probably used to being up to his elbows in clogged feces — but nothing could prepare him for the septic tank that is our news media.

Within two days, every station was on it. Joe the Plumber!! yeah! OK, now let’s destroy him! Everything he’s done wrong! Unpaid parking tickets! Let’s make him wish he never plumbed!!

It’s really unbelievable. In the final week leading up to the most important election of our lives, here’s our headline: “Joe The Plumber Likes Fart Porn”.

Now that is some stinky reporting.

2. This fucking chick.

I’m sorry, her name is Ashley Todd. And last week she made this huge media frenzy when she claimed she was attacked, beaten, and had a “B” carved into her face by a black man. Why was she attacked? Because she was a McCain supporter and “had a bumper sticker for McCain/Palin”, of course. Why else?

After brief questioning, she eventually confessed to Police that she made it all up.

I call this one: “The Ultimate Win”. Not only did this dumb bitch try & fail to create an anti-Obama media frenzy, but she got beat up, AND she’s getting felony charges placed against her. Haaaha!

What an epic Fail. And now I’m wondering, “who do I thank for her black eye?”

3. Maverick zombies that like tossing a Black Man’s salad.

Looks as if John McCain actually likes Barrack Obama after all. Namely, when it comes to felating his black buttox.

After this picture surfaced, McCain’s spokesperson put out this press release:

“Clearly, the liberal media will use this snapshot to slander John McCain. But, what they won’t talk about is how Senator Obama is just too bootylicious. I mean, SERIOUSLY. Scissor Me Timbers!”

OK, my closing arguments: We’re America, and we fucking rock.

Everyone’s talking about “change” — which I sincerely hope for — but these are POLITICIANS we’re talking about here. Let’s not be fooled. We’re fucked either way. So at least go with the Dude that will turn on some smooth jazz, whisper sweet nothings into your ear, and fuck you properly. Like a gentleman. Like we deserve.

It’s an easy choice. Don’t be a dick.

VOTE OBAMA!!!!!!!!