As a lifelong fan of comedy, I write this flog with a tone of sadness. I love the internet, love doody jokes and low brow humor, but there’s been a plague of viral video foul-play, and I can’t take it any more. I’m talking, of course, about the watering-down of the “prank”.

Watch this video, which was posted on the homepage of Break.com for 2 days straight labeled “College Pan Prank” with the description “Another great college prank comes from a few guys who lure their buddy around the corner.”

OK, since when did “pranks” become “dick moves”? That’s not a prank, that’s just an asshole hitting hit unsuspecting friend with a pan over the skull. Yeah, it’s kinda funny. But it’s not a prank.

More and more, I see this internet BS. Someone punching a dude in the face or tripping him down a flight of stairs — dick moves all around — being labeled “Great prank!” or “Oh man! That guy got pranked!”.

It’s not news to me that people like watching other people get hurt. I get it. I enjoy it as well. But what’s always been great about real “pranks” is their ability to hurt someone on the inside, not with violence, but with wit and collaborative trickery.

I remember when a college prank was barricading someone into their dorm room with solo cups filled with pee, lighting firecrackers in a pan outside our RA’s doorway, or sleeping with your buddies girlfriend. These were great pranks that required planning, forethought, and execution. Anyone can hit someone in the face with a frying pan. That’s just bush league.

I realize this may be the first of many “you’re getting old” realizations I’ve yet to have. But seriously, I put out this call to all: If you’re going to prank someone, do it right. Plan it out and get ‘em good. In the words of the late, great Chris Farely:

Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time. But for now, for your customer’s sake, for your daughter’s sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality product from me.

Make that quality product. Sell that cheeba. And for the love of god, especially if your in college, prank your friends properly.