What an interesting year this has been. In the last four months, our economy has gone from “Meh” to “Oh Shit”, and it seems like everything is just slowly falling apart. Huge company after huge company is going under, all asking for “Bailouts” from the government.

I’d never even heard of a Bailout before a few months ago, and now everyone’s getting one. It’s like a freakin iPod. The latest trend. I want some money too. Santa, are you listening? I want a bailout for Christmas.

But seriously, Obama, hand it over. Give me that scrilla. Which leads me to the next logical thought…isn’t our COUNTRY broke? I thought we were trillions of dollars in debt. Where the hell are we getting all this bailout money from? $700 billion to Wall Street, $150 billion to the Auto Industry, $25 dollars to me…

I mean, US money is like Willy Wonka’s Oompa Loompas. Sure they’re cute and sing songs, but where the hell is he getting them from? He must just make them in his Wonkavator. I wish everything was this easy. Can I get a bailout on vagina? Seriously, ladies. Hand it over.

But there IS one thing that makes me feel good. And that’s the fact that our news media, which — by it’s very nature — is supposed to be fair and unbiased, is now full of a bunch of smart-mouthed, opinionated assholes. It’s hilarious.

Take a look at this clip about Elliot Spitzer’s hooker — remember that chick? I think her name was Kristen Swallows or something (didn’t they make a movie?), but here, the CNN talks about — and I’m not making this up — HOOKERGATE…

That’s awesome. They just shit all over her, and her music, and even her parents! Way to go CNN! Let’s get these guys on Def Comedy Jam. News that dips well into pop culture. Now that’s news for our generation!

But in all this chaotic craziness, I am staying pretty calm. For once, I’m thankful that I’ve got no money to loose and no real investments to depreciate. I’m calm like a Mom. I’m Living Like Thanksgiving. Who needs money?!

But seriously, I still want my bailout.