Yes, the fattening of America has just reached a new level. No, I’m not talking about obesity rates or the prevelance of Tyra Banks. I’m talking about the new “Whopper Body Spray“.

That’s right! With this new pungent perfume, you can smell like you just worked a double shift on the fryers — even on your day off!!

Gross.

Actually, the best part of this is the Product Reviews…

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Rarely do I ever do this, but I saw this advertisement while reading Maxim, and I ripped the page out. At first, it caught my attention because I thought it was a joke gift for the holidays — you know, like a Trojan Ring Pop or something.

But as I gave it a closer look, I was overcome with confusion. …Is this…a cock ring?

It was. But not just a cock ring. A VIBRATING cock ring.

“This is weird”, I said aloud. Suddenly, I was ovecome with a million questions, all of them useless. Is there really a market for this kind of thing? Is there some kind of DEMAND I’m not aware of? Is this disposable, or do you need to buy mini-Trojan cock-ring batteries? Is that a condom BUILT-IN to the vibrating thing? Seriously, is this a Ring Pop? Will people notice if I wear one to work?

I had no answers. Just an advertisement that promised a real thrill, vibration, and apparently, a free ride on the Orgasm Rollercoaster (it just opened at Busch Gardens).

Now, I’m a thrill seeker. So I’m torn. Part of me wants to go down to the store and buy ten of them and put them all on at one time to see if my genitals explode. And part of me wants to call this the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. Maybe I’ll just split the difference — buy 5 and talk shit at the same time.

But wait, what’s this thing about it only lasting “up to 30 minutes”. What are you trying to say, Trojan? That that’s all the time I need? I’m offended. I mean, you’re right. But still, who are you to limit the time I want my penis to vibrate? Maybe I want to to vibrate well after I’m finished, you know, rock me to sleep.

All in all, I don’t know what to think. I’m still shocked they even had the balls [and shaft] to market such a thing. So I’ll leave it to you to decide. Personally, I think “Ribbed” is as far as I’m gonna take this thing. But just in case….

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The couple’s other two children are named JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell.

If you ever thought you had bad parents, this article should make you tear up and write a letter telling them how much you love them. Because these parents are really trying to fuck their kids up.

How? Well, they’re from New jersey for starts. And they’re not giving their kid cake on his birthday. Oh yeah, and they named him Adolf Hitler Campbell.

Heath and Deborah Campbell said their local ShopRite supermarket in Greenwich Township, N.J., refused to personalize a cake for their son, Adolf Hitler Campbell.

Refused to give him a cake?! How about we refuse to give those Parents genitals, so that they can’t reproduce little Nazis. This is seriously one of the most absurd things I’ve ever read. It’ll take you two minutes, check it out.

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I don’t know about you, but I f**kin’ love bacon. When I get married, I want it to be on top of a field of bacon bits, and I want my bride to be wearing a bacon broach.

I love it. And this Cheesey Bacon Log recipe…let’s just say I need a new pair of underwear. (Which is convenient, as my old ones don’t fit my waist anymore.) I mean, the first step is “weave the bacon”. Who even thought you could weave bacon?!

It gets so much better. Wait till they introduce the cheese element…. Read the full article.

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This has got to be the most f**ked up thing anyone could ever do for a pair of tickets to see Kanye West. Some shock jocks from this radio station get this woman to tell her husband that their 9 year old son isn’t his child as a “prank” (again, read my flog on “The Prank is Dead“).

It’s probably the most awful thing anyone could do to someone they “love”. But let’s just say this chick gets what’s coming to her. And then some. Make sure you stay around to hear the end of this phone call.

Link submitted by Grimes

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Thank God her Parent was there to shield her from this blasphemy.

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This is like something out of a Mel Brooks movie. An argument between two sects of Christian Monks erupted into — big surprise — violence. Watch for sucker punches, flying Monks in red, and other holy shit….

Glad I didn’t get invited to this Halloween party. Here’s an excerpt from the news report:

JERUSALEM - Israeli police rushed into one of Christianity’s holiest churches Sunday and arrested two clergymen after an argument between monks erupted into a brawl next to the site of Jesus’ tomb.

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Video submitted by Nalley

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Just when you think you’ve heard the stupidest person in the world, someone amazing like this comes along. A woman who is convinced the rainbow made by her sprinkler is some kind of conspiracy.

I’m wondering how this woman even figured out how to turn on that camcorder.

Video submitted by Scrimax Inc.

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I don’t know how it’s possible, but I am continually shocked by how stupid some Americans are. It’s like just when I thought I’ve seen the biggest moron in the universe, someone like this comes along.

And I have to say, I’m disappointed. I always thought better of Grimace.

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OK, Gentleman’s bet. She’s defiantly a woman. And I’ll take 2-to-1 odds that she’s also Asian. Any other bets?

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Sounds like she had a nice, romantic evening.

Link submitted by Choche

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You want my personal opinion? John McCain is an old, confused Ard-tard. This clip is so ridiculous, it’s almost funny. Almost.

Here’s his take on healthcare. He doesn’t trust government to run it. But who he does trust to run it — WalMart. Like that’s gonna work out for everybody.

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