I give my man mad props for finally making it into the Big House. He’s been trying for the past 15 years, and he finally did it!

Good for you, Murderin’ Murphy. You deserve it!!

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While Wall Street melts down and everyone in our country shouts “Holy Guacamole!“, there is one thing on my old noodle this week. And it doesn’t have to do with money, or guacamole.

I wrote a while ago about the game of Deep Cuts that I play with old friends — you know, the one where you try to be the first to remember an old acquaintance that has been washed over by the sea of time. Bring up a name that really cuts deep, and you get DC points. The deeper the cut, the more points your awarded.

It’s a game we’ve played for about 4 years now, but this past weekend…something changed. A gap was bridged that created a whole new element in the game of Deep Cuts. Listen to this first hand testimonial:

It was about midnight on Friday night and we are all pretty sloshed; several tequilla shots, and a forty got our blood flowing a little bit. We are all dancing at the bar…really enjoying ourselves. I look over at NoFace and he tells me that he has to step outside to meet someone real fast. I continue to backstep all over the dance floor and possibily even throw a Berman Backhand into the mix for some added effect.

As I turn back to the door, I see Mike walk in with a girl that looks pretty familiar. She is dressed like a hoe, has reddish blondish hair, and is dancing all floozy-ish. I rub my blood shot eyes to see who exactly I am looking at. A wave comes over me and I have a flashback of a certain red-headed, color-guarding individual on my bus named John Christy. I force myself to blink several times because I didn’t want to believe that a Christy was entering the bar with Noface. As I continue to blink, I shake my head in disbelief and realize that Mike has just met MELODY CHRISTY at the bar — MELODY CHRISTY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, now that is a Deep Mother of Cuts.

Fearless. Bold. No Face. He not only got a deep cut, but he brought her back into our reality. He bridged the gap between cut and 2008 — a process never before attempted. And in it’s wake, a new element known now as “Deep Stitches” enters the game. And it scores you double points.

To make a deep cut is one thing, but to sow that cut back together is another thing entirely. Not to mention, the triple threat of Deep Cut Coitus. Could it happen? Epic.

Either way, I say No Face just shirt-grabbed our whole freakin’ system. Looks like I need to hop on Facebook and start making some Deep Cut Dates. Middle school friends, watch out. I’m about to get BangCut Dangerous on your asses!

Contributions by The Berman Backhand
& the Deep Cuts Club of Crookfield (DCx3)

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