I’m so happy this was caught on camera.

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This is like something out of a Mel Brooks movie. An argument between two sects of Christian Monks erupted into — big surprise — violence. Watch for sucker punches, flying Monks in red, and other holy shit….

Glad I didn’t get invited to this Halloween party. Here’s an excerpt from the news report:

JERUSALEM - Israeli police rushed into one of Christianity’s holiest churches Sunday and arrested two clergymen after an argument between monks erupted into a brawl next to the site of Jesus’ tomb.

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Video submitted by Nalley

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OK, I just walked in on the weirdest thing in the world. But before I tell you, let me give a quick bit of backstory so you can understand how truly weird/awesome(?) this is…

There’s this newer IT guy that works at my job, one of those goth-like dudes you’d expect to see wearing a trenchcoat in the summer. Let’s call him Michael. He’s a nice guy, but weird, and I haven’t spoken to him much. Just so you know, he’s a self-proclaimed “magician”. And during our Welcome Back Party, when new people were introducing themselves, he decided to show us a magic trick. He got out a hammer and a nail (a real nail, we checked), and proceeded to hammer the nail into his nasal cavity.

It was gross, weird, kindof impressive — one of those things everyone cringles and goes “Ugh…nooo! Seriously. No.”. And that was his magic trick. Great first impression. So that’s Michael. And here’s the story:

So I go to use the bathroom in our office (a single-seater), and open the door — and see Michael on the toilet. It was one of those awkward, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry” and get-out-as-quick-as-possible moments. The door wasn’t locked for some reason, and I felt awful and queasy.

But as walked away, my brain tried to comprehend what I had just seen….Something wasn’t right. Michael was sitting on the toilet, fully clothed. He was hunched over like he was taking a shit, and he was certainly red in the face — But he had his black pants on, fully buckled, and pulled all the way up. I’m sure of it.

So my question is: Was this guy Magic Pooping? Could it be that he has some magical way of excreting doody without taking his clothes off?! Is this guy’s abilities so powerful that it transcends the basic human pooping process?!

And if he wasn’t, what the hell was he doing just chilling on the toilet? What a weird place to just sit and hang out. At least lock the door, weirdo.

Oh man, what a strange experience. I don’t know what to think — should I feel excited…or extremely creeped out? Someone weigh in on this one. I think I’m going to have to call up “Mythbusters” for this.

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This is a picture from the new rollercoaster at Busch Gardens. It’s called The Heimlich.

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In case of nuclear war, Bill O’Reilly has cloned himself, and for ease of travel, made the clone smaller (checking bags these days is just too much of a hassle). O’Reilly has already been drilling his little clone on the ways of hardball reporting.

Luckily for us, a tape of his MiniBill has leaked…

Little Bill O’Reilly Tells It Like It Is - Watch more free videos

What a little munchkin.

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…Anything you say or do can be used against you in a court of law.

And apparently, that includes farting. A man in West Virginia was arrested for drunk driving, and after failing a bunch of sobriety tests, decided to really make his arrest count.

When police were trying to get fingerprints, police say Cruz moved closer to the officer and passed gas on him. The investigating officer remarked in the criminal complaint that the odor was very strong.

Cruz is now charged with battery on a police officer, as well as DUI and obstruction.

After sharding on the Officer, he then said “Guess what I had for lunch.” The Officer guess correctly: Spam and eggs; and then swiftly took the man to jail. The “battery” charges were later dropped.

>> WATCH THE NEWS REPORT & Read the full article.

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Here’s God — I mean, Oprah — talking about…pedophiles? Watch her face after she says “9000 penises“. Im pretty sure she’s thinking:

“Wait…what did I just say?”

I had no idea that Penises could organize like that. I feel motivated. In fact, I think my Penis could be President. Penis ‘12

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This is pretty amazing. What happens when you take a few cellphones and put popcorn kernels in the middle of them?

It makes me so happy to know that this is what my brain is experiencing. Go radiation!

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There’s a right and a wrong way to get fast cash from an ATM. The right way is to put your card in, enter your pin, and get some moolah.

The wrong way is bringing a mobile home with you.

Hooolllyy shit. I’m pretty sure that’ll cost him an extra $2 service fee.

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People like George Lucas have destroyed my ability to to trust what I see. I watch this amazing video, and I think, “this shit has to be CGI”. How could it not be??

But considering who’s making it, it doesn’t seem likely. Either way, the impossible happens. And the what these girls can do with basketballs is unreal. (ps - get your mind out of the gutter)

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A friend of mine named Mr. Pheeny tipped me off to this absurd article about missing Chimp.

Apparently, a 42-year-old chimp named Moe has disappeared from his animal shelter in West Covina. His owners, St. James Davis and LaDonna Davis, have been frantically looking for him since he escaped two days ago. You can tell from the picture to the right that these people are a bit unstable.

Now, the more you read this article, the more you say to yourself “why the f*ck are they trying to FIND this monster”. First of all, this chimp has attacked a ton of people, including both of the Davis’. In fact, the reason it was in an animal shelter is because the San Bernadino Police ousted him after repeated biting incidents.

But what’s truly amazing about this article is the little throw-away lines they stick in, and never talk about.

LaDonna Davis, who lost a thumb during the 2005 chimp attack, became emotional as she described Moe.

He bit off her thumb?! And she’s still wants this blood-thirsty monster to be saved? But that’s nothing compared to this sentence about James Davis:

The 65-year-old former NASCAR driver lost all of his fingers, an eye, his nose, parts of his cheek and lips, and pieces of his torso to attacking chimpanzees in 2005. The animals pounced after apparently becoming jealous that Davis was preparing to present a birthday cake to Moe at their refuge.

Umm…pieces of his torso?! This is like something out of Congo. (more…)

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This contestant from Australia’s Got Talent shows us what it’s like to live in a country free from censorship. Just think, if only we had this on American TV.

The video starts a bit slow, just give it a minute.

Actually, I’m pretty sure I saw Tila Tequila do that last week.

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