Here’s 10 reasons I’m glad 2009 is the end of George Bush’s presidency.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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In the wake of the Bush Shoe Throw video, many people have been left with an empty feeling inside, and the same thought in their head: “I wish I threw that shoe…”

Well, thanks to these evil geniuses, now you can.

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One thing’s for sure: that Barack Obama keeps it reeaaaaal cool. Tell ‘em, pussycat…

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What an interesting year this has been. In the last four months, our economy has gone from “Meh” to “Oh Shit”, and it seems like everything is just slowly falling apart. Huge company after huge company is going under, all asking for “Bailouts” from the government.

I’d never even heard of a Bailout before a few months ago, and now everyone’s getting one. It’s like a freakin iPod. The latest trend. I want some money too. Santa, are you listening? I want a bailout for Christmas.

But seriously, Obama, hand it over. Give me that scrilla. Which leads me to the next logical thought…isn’t our COUNTRY broke? I thought we were trillions of dollars in debt. Where the hell are we getting all this bailout money from? $700 billion to Wall Street, $150 billion to the Auto Industry, $25 dollars to me…

I mean, US money is like Willy Wonka’s Oompa Loompas. Sure they’re cute and sing songs, but where the hell is he getting them from? He must just make them in his Wonkavator. I wish everything was this easy. Can I get a bailout on vagina? Seriously, ladies. Hand it over.

But there IS one thing that makes me feel good. And that’s the fact that our news media, which — by it’s very nature — is supposed to be fair and unbiased, is now full of a bunch of smart-mouthed, opinionated assholes. It’s hilarious.

Take a look at this clip about Elliot Spitzer’s hooker — remember that chick? I think her name was Kristen Swallows or something (didn’t they make a movie?), but here, the CNN talks about — and I’m not making this up — HOOKERGATE…

That’s awesome. They just shit all over her, and her music, and even her parents! Way to go CNN! Let’s get these guys on Def Comedy Jam. News that dips well into pop culture. Now that’s news for our generation!

But in all this chaotic craziness, I am staying pretty calm. For once, I’m thankful that I’ve got no money to loose and no real investments to depreciate. I’m calm like a Mom. I’m Living Like Thanksgiving. Who needs money?!

But seriously, I still want my bailout.

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John McCain appeared on Saturday Night Live this weekend with Tina Fey as Palin, and in the process of trying to make a joke, realized his funny bone is suffering from Osteoporosis.

McCain’s alien-robot wife also stopped by. Cool.

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This comes from David Allen Grier’s new sketch comedy show Chocolate News, which is admittedly pretty funny.

In it, he calls for black people to not do stupid shit. At least for the next four days.

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…But I may have screwed this whole “change” thing up.

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Oh man, so only one more week of this election bullshit to go. And thank god. I feel like every day I turn on the TV, I see something even more ridiculous than yesterday. First it was “Joe the Plumber”, then some fatty being “attacked” because she supported McCain. And now, McCain zombies?

Jesus. It will all be over soon. But before it’s history, let me just write down a few thoughts while there fresh in my mind.

1. “Joe the Plumber” What is this Joe the Plumber crap? Talk about a perfect example of how stupid our country is. “Hey, I have a toilet. This makes sense!”

Really? Is that what the United States has come down to? Not gas, not foreign policy. But a freakin’ Plumber?!

And I feel bad for the guy. All he did was ask John McCain a question, and had his life totally, and unappologetically shit all over. Now, he’s probably used to being up to his elbows in clogged feces — but nothing could prepare him for the septic tank that is our news media.

Within two days, every station was on it. Joe the Plumber!! yeah! OK, now let’s destroy him! Everything he’s done wrong! Unpaid parking tickets! Let’s make him wish he never plumbed!!

It’s really unbelievable. In the final week leading up to the most important election of our lives, here’s our headline: “Joe The Plumber Likes Fart Porn”.

Now that is some stinky reporting.

2. This fucking chick.

I’m sorry, her name is Ashley Todd. And last week she made this huge media frenzy when she claimed she was attacked, beaten, and had a “B” carved into her face by a black man. Why was she attacked? Because she was a McCain supporter and “had a bumper sticker for McCain/Palin”, of course. Why else?

After brief questioning, she eventually confessed to Police that she made it all up.

I call this one: “The Ultimate Win”. Not only did this dumb bitch try & fail to create an anti-Obama media frenzy, but she got beat up, AND she’s getting felony charges placed against her. Haaaha!

What an epic Fail. And now I’m wondering, “who do I thank for her black eye?”

3. Maverick zombies that like tossing a Black Man’s salad.

Looks as if John McCain actually likes Barrack Obama after all. Namely, when it comes to felating his black buttox.

After this picture surfaced, McCain’s spokesperson put out this press release:

“Clearly, the liberal media will use this snapshot to slander John McCain. But, what they won’t talk about is how Senator Obama is just too bootylicious. I mean, SERIOUSLY. Scissor Me Timbers!”

OK, my closing arguments: We’re America, and we fucking rock.

Everyone’s talking about “change” — which I sincerely hope for — but these are POLITICIANS we’re talking about here. Let’s not be fooled. We’re fucked either way. So at least go with the Dude that will turn on some smooth jazz, whisper sweet nothings into your ear, and fuck you properly. Like a gentleman. Like we deserve.

It’s an easy choice. Don’t be a dick.

VOTE OBAMA!!!!!!!!

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Will Ferrell as President Bush and Tina Fey as Sarah Palin. These are two people I would actually vote for to run our country. At least they could make me laugh as they ran our nation into the shitter.

This comes from SNL last night, and it’s pretty hilarious. Finally, President Bush can tell the nation who he endorses to be the next President: Johnny McCain.

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If you’re like me, you’re just about getting sick of all this Presidential bullshit. I watched most of the debates again last night, and all I have to say is, “who the hell is the 8% of undecided voters?”. How do you not know by now? The media coverage is freakin’ relentless.

My guess is they’re Southern racists that — given our current situation — are almost ready to vote for a black man. Almost.

Just in case you’re still not sure, you should check out PalinAsPresident.com. Click around…

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I kinda like Obama in those stunna shades.

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I’m starting to become a pretty big fan of Hulu.com, for their dedication to giving me free videos in great quality. Can I get a “Fuck yeah!” for the internet?

Rabble Ra! Anyway, SNL is doing 4 weeks of special 30-minute Primetime shows, where they exclusively cover politics. And I have to say, I watched it last night and it was pretty damn funny. Here, in all it’s glory, is the full 30-minute show from last night.

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