Who the hell pays for something like this*?!!

PS - it’s a good thing there’s a padlock on that sucker, because I would steal that in a heart beat. What I do with it after that is my business.

*Besides Bill Clinton

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This is absurd. Not since the infamous Pacquiao vs. Judah train-running gang-bang have I seen such affection in the ring…

I can only imagine what that guy’s coaches are telling him in the corner: “You gotta get more tongue in there! Go for the lips next time!! Tickle his balls!”

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This is literally the funniest thing I’ve seen in the past month (and it’s not a joke).

Some compassionate porn lovers have put together this not-for-profit organization whose goal is…producing audio descriptions of porn. For blind people. That’s right, they take sample movie clips from adult web sites and describe what’s happening.

>>> Porn For The Blind

The first one from “Cum Overload” is hilarious, but the true winner is the “2 Girls 1 Cup” transcription. You can’t make this shit up.

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Well, there’s nothing on the internet. And there’s nothing to do at work.

So what the hell…DANCE PARTY FRIDAY!

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If you thought Timmaay could rock hard, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

This has got to be one of the weirdest videos I’ve ever seen. And I’m not making fun of this, because that’s not funny. But wait until you hear the LYRICS these guys sing. Wierd Al, watch out! New Wheels are gunning for your niche!

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If he’s running this electronics store, who’s running Hell?

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Some things you have to see to believe. Like our Vice-Presidential nominee doing an interview while turkeys are being slaughtered in the background. It’s like something out of a Naked Gun movie.

Apparently….in the “Pro-America” parts of America, you get a free cup of coffee for every 5 turkeys you kill. Nice work, Sarah!

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A friend of mine sent this to me because he thought for a minute it was another PMPcomedy Seagal sketch. But it’s not (ours are much better). It’s an actual clip where Seagal…well, honestly — I have no fucking idea what’s going on…

Video submitted by Danny [Tanner]

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OK, I just walked in on the weirdest thing in the world. But before I tell you, let me give a quick bit of backstory so you can understand how truly weird/awesome(?) this is…

There’s this newer IT guy that works at my job, one of those goth-like dudes you’d expect to see wearing a trenchcoat in the summer. Let’s call him Michael. He’s a nice guy, but weird, and I haven’t spoken to him much. Just so you know, he’s a self-proclaimed “magician”. And during our Welcome Back Party, when new people were introducing themselves, he decided to show us a magic trick. He got out a hammer and a nail (a real nail, we checked), and proceeded to hammer the nail into his nasal cavity.

It was gross, weird, kindof impressive — one of those things everyone cringles and goes “Ugh…nooo! Seriously. No.”. And that was his magic trick. Great first impression. So that’s Michael. And here’s the story:

So I go to use the bathroom in our office (a single-seater), and open the door — and see Michael on the toilet. It was one of those awkward, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry” and get-out-as-quick-as-possible moments. The door wasn’t locked for some reason, and I felt awful and queasy.

But as walked away, my brain tried to comprehend what I had just seen….Something wasn’t right. Michael was sitting on the toilet, fully clothed. He was hunched over like he was taking a shit, and he was certainly red in the face — But he had his black pants on, fully buckled, and pulled all the way up. I’m sure of it.

So my question is: Was this guy Magic Pooping? Could it be that he has some magical way of excreting doody without taking his clothes off?! Is this guy’s abilities so powerful that it transcends the basic human pooping process?!

And if he wasn’t, what the hell was he doing just chilling on the toilet? What a weird place to just sit and hang out. At least lock the door, weirdo.

Oh man, what a strange experience. I don’t know what to think — should I feel excited…or extremely creeped out? Someone weigh in on this one. I think I’m going to have to call up “Mythbusters” for this.

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The Red Hot Chili Peppers are great. And just like Pearl Jam, they fall under that “What the hell is this guy saying?” category.

Sure, I’ll sing along. But it’s mostly just me making guttural noises that go along with the song. Luckily, this person transcribed the lyrics for us. Feel free to sing along with me….

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I got this off of the Yahoo.com homepage:

Look at that face. It looks like he got some botched Botox injections or something. I mean, he only has one emotion: screaming. Even behind the wheel, it looks like he’s screaming bloody murder.

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The Mexican Government sent a clear message to the animal populace of the world yesterday: If you fuck around in Mexico, we will end you. Or at least put you in jail. And to prove they were serious, they put their own national mascot behind bars.

Yes, the beloved Donkey. A shining beacon of tourism, agriculture, and woman-on-mule donkey shows.

But in Tuxtla Guiterrez, Mexico, a local Jackass took it to the next level. He lashed out violently at two Farmers, biting and kicking them into submission. When the police found the two men, they were crying in each others arms and spooning. The Donkey was booked for assault and battery, and is being held on $50,000 bail.

“Around here, if someone commits a crime, they are jailed,” Gomez said — “no matter who they are.”

He added, “I got to be honest with you, we really thought Shrek would have showed up by now to bail Donkey out. This really shows you what kind of friend he is”.

Don’t get me wrong, Mexico. You have every right to jail a donkey. Hell, jail some nachos while you’re at it. But do you really think the donkey’s gonna learn his lesson? He’s a donkey.

In America, he would have been eaten. And I think that’s really the best punishment.

Article submitted by Bmac & The One Man Party

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